Sunday, May 28, 2006

I hope you never lose your joyful personality.

I've been thinking about this lately. When we first got little J's diagnosis, this is what G said to me. He told me that my joyful personality and my positive attitude were the first things (besides my cute appearance lol) that drew him to me when we first met. He also told me that those were his favorite qualities about me and that it inspired him! He also said that he hoped I would never lose that, especially with little J's diagnosis. WOW! He never told me that before.

Lately inside, I've been feeling a little torn between the hopeful and hopeless. I've kept my hopeful face on for everyone to see, trying to push the hopeless deep down. I know if I'm hopeless, that I will lose my joyful personality, my positive attitude and I won't be doing little J any good. It's only been 3 weeks since we got our diagnosis, but I've been fighting these feelings. See, G knows me, he knows that I've always wanted to be a mommy and have that "dream" family. Getting to the point in our lives where we would start having children was the first thing I ever worked really hard at. As I've said before, G is a big planner, so he had many tasks that we needed to complete before we started thinking of formula, bottles and diapers. Anyway, with the diagnosis, he was really afraid of how it would affect me. I was afraid as well.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Yesterday was the first day, that I didn't have one hopeless thought. Not once. Today, there was not one hopeless thought in my head! I have been feeling nothing but hope and positive thoughts for this journey now! I have been meeting and chatting with so many mommys who for one reason or another have felt the exact same. These women have inspired me! Ya'll know who you are! Later this week, I'm having lunch with a few other mommys who have children that have the same diagnosis as little J. One, even has a little boy who is one month older than little J. I'm really excited about it, because these women will be able to relate to exactly how I'm feeling, and they are all a wealth of knowledge! I can't wait! I really hope that little J and little A can grow up being great friends!

There is also a lot of very promising research going on! I'll be getting the information to sign little J up for some of these at the lunch. G and I have decided, that we should sign him up, if we go and we find out that it isn't something we want for our little one, we can always turn it down. I don't want them doing anything crazy you know. I do want him to have the opportunity though. Don't worry, I'm not looking for the miracle cure, but if one happens, I'm not going to tell it no!

Oooh~! And can you believe I actually scrapped! Hopeful and Joyful me = Scrapping mojo! Now, if I could only get my scraproom cleaned mojo for that!


Rebecca said...

I'm glad your feeling hopeful. If we loose our hope, we don't have much to go on. But you know that just as well as I do! :) Good to see you "back"

Kent said...

Wow - so sorry to hear you are going through a rough time right now but you are doing some of the best things like connecting with other Moms whose children have the same diagnosis and educating yourself. I hope you are able to see some of the blessings despite the times you feel overwhelmed.

marezone said...

Hi Laurie, you're so right! With hope, faith, and prayer on your side there are no limits. Little J as well hubby are lucky to have you. It's okay to have those off days, only normal and balances everything out. Here's to you!

rene said...

Nice to see you back and scrapping.

Suzy West said...

Hey there sweetie!!! Keep up the hope!!!! Love ya girl!