Something to remember....

I am greatly blessed! Somedays, I have a pitty party for myself, and wonder why Little J has his disorder. I wonder sometimes how this could have possibly happened, and I've even been angry with God. As I've said before though, I have seen evidence that God has not deserted me and that he is answering my prayers. When Little J was first going through the process of testing, I prayed over and over, for him not to have anything wrong. I prayed, that he was just a little behind and that he would somehow just catch up. Afterall, while we were going through the exams and everything, many of our friends had shared stories of their children or children they knew, who didn't walk or talk until they were older than 2 years. So, I prayed and prayed, that this would be the case with Little J. The more I thought about the testing they were doing, the more I prayed that everything would be fine. I would look at Little J, and all I would see is this perfect little boy. Full of joy and love...absolutely perfect! When we finally got his diagnosis my heart was broken and I was at a loss. Why had my prayers not been answered? What could I have possibly done to have caused this to happen? Why?

That night, I laid in my bed and I was thinking of my prayers. I no longer knew what to pray for. What could I possibly ask for now? When saying my prayers that night, that is exactly what I told God. I simply said, that I no longer knew what to pray for. I said, that I know there must be a reason for this and I wish I knew what it was. I prayed that God would help me to remain faithful. That he would show me the way on this journey and that he would keep us and our little J close to him. I can say 100% without a doubt, that I know that God has been with us.

Recently, I found a book at the local bookstore. I wasn't searching for a book on our situation, I was actually there to pick up another book for an upcoming bible study. I found this book at random. It's called Focus on the Family, A Special Kind of Love by Susan Titus Osborn and Janet Lynn Mitchell. It is full of stories about families and children with special needs and their walk with faith. Every single one of these stories spoke to my heart in some way. I felt like these families were sharing their intermost pain, joys and faith with me.

This is from the introduction by the authors:

If you've picked up this book, more than likely you love a child who has special needs. The awesome reality is that long before this child was born, God chose you to be a part of this child's life. Yes, God chose you with your talents, abilities, temperament, and inadequacies-knowing that you would be perfect fo the job

I am so honored and blessed that God chose G and I for Little J. He brings so much love and joy to our lives everyday, and I couldn't imagine our lives without him....just the way he is.

Something else that has been inspiring me these days...is the video in my sidebar. If you want to see something so inspiring that there are no words to describe it, then press play. Prepare to cry! When I say cry, I don't mean to cry in sadness, but in the joy of this love! Many of you have probably seen it by now, since it's been posted on blogs left and right lately. I'd seen it before, but it wasn't until Erin sent me the link in an email that I was reminded. Thanks Erin for sending this reminder...I needed it.