Lonely....

I was reading another blog earlier, and the blogger talked about being lonely, even though she was surrounded by wonderful people. It really got me thinking about some discussions that G and I have been having lately.

With G's job, there is always the possibility, that if he wants to advance, or explore other career opportunities, that we would have to move. We've talked about this many times, and each time, I have told him, that I support him 100% in doing what he wants for his career. Afterall, it's because of his hard work, that I'm able to stay home with little J. He loves his job, and I want him to achieve everything he wants to within that career. I never want him to look back and say, I wish I had done this or tried that. With that being said, we've also talked about the fact that I really don't want to move. I love where we are. When he asks me why I love it here, it's really hard for me to say. I don't know why that is though. He knows, and has said it outloud, that I really only want to stay here, because of my friends. He also tries to reassure me, that if we do move, I will make new friends. While this is probably all true, it really got me to thinking about the whole situation.

There is a possibility, that G could get a job in another division, that would require us to move. The more I think about this, the lonelier I feel. I think it all goes back to when I was younger. My mother was somewhat of a loose cannon to put it nicely. We really don't have much of a relationship at this point in time, but that's a whole other topic. Anyway, when I was growing up, I had a lot of friends in school, but I didn't do a lot with them outside of school activities. I didn't want them anywhere near my mother. God knows what would have happened. Let's just say, she had issues, and kids are cruel. Just for the record, I'm not talking about just parent/child issues, these were serious issues. Anyway, so since I didn't do much with classmates outside of school activities, I think I really missed out on some close longterm reltationships. Well, as life has gone on here, since I left my crazy mother, and moved to be with my father and stepmother, I've really made some of the connections I felt I was missing in younger days. I've got friends that I met in college, that were with me through my crazy party days, friends that I have a history with. I've also made some really great friends through scrapbooking, that are very special to me, and also we have history and memories that are shared. I love having friends like that. New friends are always nice, but I love having friends that you've done and shared so many experiences with, people you can call in the middle of the night when your freaking out, people you tell your hubby to call when your in the hospital ready to have your baby, friends who your kid(s) will always call Auntie! Does this make sense to anyone but me?

Anyway, as I said, the more I think of the possibility of moving, the more lonely I feel. Hmm...I'm gonna have to ponder this a bit more.