Tuesday, May 06, 2008

My Plan B.

The last time I posted, I shared a video from Pete Wilson and the Smith Family from the Without Wax Blog. If you didn't see it, then click on the link above and take some time and watch it. It's an important message.

The beginning of May is always a little tough for me. May 1st is an anniversary of sorts for G and I. It is the second anniversary of Little J's diagnosis. The day when our Plan A was thrown out the window. The day that we were so mad at GOD and didn't understand how he could do this to Little J or to us. As a little girl, I dreamed of meeting my prince charming and having a family. I pictured 3 children, I never cared if they were boys or girls. I pictured a nice house and doing all sorts of fun activities with my little ones. I pictured my prince charming playing ball with them, I pictured them going to school and experiencing all that life had to offer. On May 1st, 2006 that picture was completley changed. This is the reason that the Smith family video really spoke to me. I loved how Angie talks about being able to "yell" at GOD and knowing he can take it. I loved how Pete Wilson talked about the fact that these things are not Plan B for GOD. It just reminded me how fortunate we are, to know that GOD is walking this journey with us. To know that GOD is there to listen to us when we are frustrated and need to take it out somewhere. To know that this is part of his big plan. To know that Little J's diagnosis will somehow play a part in someones life.

I have been so fortunate to be connected with many Angel families through different message boards, list serves as well as in our own community (as rare as that is). I have also been so fortunate to connect with many other mommy's of other special needs children. I love how these moms know how to support you when you are having a rough time, I love how these moms know how to celebrate milestones with you no matter how late they come. We as a family have also been so fortunate to have such wonderfully supportive family and friends. There are so many people out there who love Little J. In the end, a lot of this is part of my Plan A. I wanted my children to make a difference in this world, I wanted them to be loved, and most of all I wanted them to be happy. It's not the way I would have planned my life, but I'm facing this journey. I'm lucky to be facing this journey with a wonderful husband, a beautiful daughter, a wonderful family behind us, wonderful friends and so many people who work with Little J daily, weekly, monthly and yearly and celebrate his love and acheivements. I know that GOD has a hand in all of this. I know that HE is walking with us. Above all, I have faith that someday (maybe even here on earth) our Little J will be healed. Someday, whether here on earth or in heaven, I will hear my baby boy say "I love you Mommy" outloud and I will see him run and play and jump with all the joy he has in his heart.

Little J's walk-a-thon is coming up soon! Thank you to everyone who has donated so far! There is still time if you want to make a donation!


Pete Wilson said...

I hope you raise a ton of money through your walk-a-thon. What a great cuase!

Sandy said...

You have such an inspiring outlook on life. Thanks for all of your positivity that helps others too in the meantime. I know it is not easy. Trust me, I KNOW this to be true!!!! But it IS worth it and boy are we ever better people for having weathered the storm.

We must get major points in HIS book somewhere! If not, that's okay too because I know our children definitely do.

Have a beautiful Mother's Day!

emelyn said...

Laurie, you are making me cry here at work, girl. Joshie is amazing and you are amazing for getting through all of this. Bless his heart, he is making a difference!

Kent said...

Wow - what a great post! I think when you have those moments of - I am so mad at God and come through to the other side your relationship with Him can only get stronger. It made me realize that a part of me thought God was a wish granter and was supposed to make life rosy and perfect. Wow that is far from the truth and not what He is about anyway!